Location: Federal Hill, Baltimore, MDRating: 2.3/5Caption: "…I almost felt guilty for calling an ambulance and wake him from his slumber, but I didn’t want to deal with the possibility of a dead junkie on my doorstep."Description: I can think of nothing more badass to tell all my co-workers who live in the county than I’m going to be late to work because there is a dead junkie on my doorstep. I think after a call like that I’d be be able to take two donuts on Raven’s Friday and no one would say a damn thing.

Location: Federal Hill, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.3/5
Caption: "…I almost felt guilty for calling an ambulance and wake him from his slumber, but I didn’t want to deal with the possibility of a dead junkie on my doorstep."
Description: I can think of nothing more badass to tell all my co-workers who live in the county than I’m going to be late to work because there is a dead junkie on my doorstep. I think after a call like that I’d be be able to take two donuts on Raven’s Friday and no one would say a damn thing.


Location: Federal Hill Park, Baltimore, MDRating: 2.5/5Description: This lean would score a lot of points at Jessup, but at TGOH we expect a lot more from our submissions. Sorry Mork from Ork, but real heroin addicts don’t use benches that way.

Location: Federal Hill Park, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.5/5
Description: This lean would score a lot of points at Jessup, but at TGOH we expect a lot more from our submissions. Sorry Mork from Ork, but real heroin addicts don’t use benches that way.


Location: Green Street and Pratt, Baltimore, MDRating: 2.6/5Description: I can’t decide whether the junkie is photobombing the hot dog dude, or if the hot dog dude is photobombing the junkie… You decide.

Location: Green Street and Pratt, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 2.6/5
Description: I can’t decide whether the junkie is photobombing the hot dog dude, or if the hot dog dude is photobombing the junkie… You decide.


Location: Charles and 24th, Baltimore, MDRating: 3.1/5Description: I don’t usually give anything over a 3 to someone lying down, but one look at the flip phone and the inner-hipster in me threw him some extra points. Or maybe I took a horseshoe rating and added one for leaning against the pole?Either way, this dude needs to do us all a favor and stick to the heroin and not so much crack.

Location: Charles and 24th, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.1/5
Description: I don’t usually give anything over a 3 to someone lying down, but one look at the flip phone and the inner-hipster in me threw him some extra points. Or maybe I took a horseshoe rating and added one for leaning against the pole?

Either way, this dude needs to do us all a favor and stick to the heroin and not so much crack.


Location: York Rd and Belvedere, Baltimore, MDRating: 3.9/5Description: You can thank none other than Baltimore-native Sisqo for this horrific image… I’m in the process of collecting pictures and video of all the fat, heroin-addled, thong-wearing women in Baltimore for the music video for my upcoming single “The Wrong Song”. Look for it on my upcoming album Chasing the Dragon.

Location: York Rd and Belvedere, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.9/5
Description: You can thank none other than Baltimore-native Sisqo for this horrific image… I’m in the process of collecting pictures and video of all the fat, heroin-addled, thong-wearing women in Baltimore for the music video for my upcoming single “The Wrong Song”. Look for it on my upcoming album Chasing the Dragon.


Location: Boston, MARating: 3.2/5Description: The only thing which disappoints me more than the O’s not making it to the playoffs this year is having to watch Boston in the world series. It’s not that I have anywhere near the hatred for the Sox as I do the Yankees, it’s just that if their team does well there is a greater chance I’ll have to put up with their annoying fans next year in Camden Yards.
When Boston has a good season they flood Camden Yards the next year and I inevitably end up sitting next to some yuppie asshole and his pasty-white spawn with some fucking Ikea name like Madison or Tanner. Every damn time they are in town and I also have the pleasure of overhearing the same fucking trite conversations with their kids about how dangerous Baltimore is because they saw half an episode of The Wire once. 
Listen Boston, I get it. We have a fucking awesome park which isn’t shaped like a rorschach test, so of course you want to visit. Just stop talking shit about my city when you’re here, and for God’s sake get your kids some sun!!

Location: Boston, MA
Rating: 3.2/5
Description: The only thing which disappoints me more than the O’s not making it to the playoffs this year is having to watch Boston in the world series. It’s not that I have anywhere near the hatred for the Sox as I do the Yankees, it’s just that if their team does well there is a greater chance I’ll have to put up with their annoying fans next year in Camden Yards.

When Boston has a good season they flood Camden Yards the next year and I inevitably end up sitting next to some yuppie asshole and his pasty-white spawn with some fucking Ikea name like Madison or Tanner. Every damn time they are in town and I also have the pleasure of overhearing the same fucking trite conversations with their kids about how dangerous Baltimore is because they saw half an episode of The Wire once. 

Listen Boston, I get it. We have a fucking awesome park which isn’t shaped like a rorschach test, so of course you want to visit. Just stop talking shit about my city when you’re here, and for God’s sake get your kids some sun!!


Location: Howard and Lombard, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 4.5/5
Description: What a showoff!! For most of us mere mortals shooting heroin would make walking a pretty big deal. Crossing a busy street would be a Herculean task. Crossing a busy street WITH A TRAIN barreling down one of the lanes is just straight up showing off and this dude needs to be taken down a notch.

The EMS piece at the end is priceless and I added a full .1 of a point for the hilarity of seeing this dude snap to attention when the siren started.


Location: Department of Social Services, W. Pratt Street, Baltimore, MDRating: 3.1/5Description: I bet this guy’s ADD is keeping him from being able to fill out that disability form…

Location: Department of Social Services, W. Pratt Street, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.1/5
Description: I bet this guy’s ADD is keeping him from being able to fill out that disability form…


Location: Fayette and Pine, Baltimore, MDRating: 3.4/5Description: After 16 days of bitter, partisan, brinkmanship this guys decided to finally pay his dealer for the smack he took out on loan.

Location: Fayette and Pine, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.4/5
Description: After 16 days of bitter, partisan, brinkmanship this guys decided to finally pay his dealer for the smack he took out on loan.


Location: Inner Harbor, Baltimore, MDRating: 3.1/5Description: This submission pulls the curtain back a little and shows the dude warming up his spike before liftoff. This zombie is particularly lacking in give-a-shit. While all is fair in love and heroin, shooting up in broad daylight is still consider a faux pas, even in Baltimore.

Location: Inner Harbor, Baltimore, MD
Rating: 3.1/5
Description: This submission pulls the curtain back a little and shows the dude warming up his spike before liftoff. This zombie is particularly lacking in give-a-shit. While all is fair in love and heroin, shooting up in broad daylight is still consider a faux pas, even in Baltimore.