Location: Charles St and 28th, Baltimore, MD Rating: 2.1/5 Description: Honestly, the quality of our leans has been suffering ever since Medicaid started handing out scooters to every Tom, Dick or Harry who could junkie-shuffle their way onto SSI. I hate to perpetuate the “lazy guy on welfare” stereotype, but in this case it’s hard to argue against it when we’re not even making our junkies stand to get their lean on.
This is Baltimore, I’ve seen people shooting up while driving automobiles or leaning while standing, eating an ice cream cone and waiting for the bus. Sure, we may not have worked in a decade or two, but my generation sure had to work for our high, and this is just an example of how this generation just doesn’t understand how much work their folks put into being unemployed and blasted on the street corner.
The only positive thing about this picture is that the submitter was able to send a two word caption which captures this image perfectly:
Location: Baltimore, MD Rating: 4.2/5 Description: Carryout AND Liquor? It must be Christmas in Baltimore and this guy has already opened his present. Looks like he broke into the pantry a little early too and cooked himself up something special.
Honestly, why spend all that time and money going to mall in Towson? It’s so crowded, the street riots are fun but can get repetitive, and don’t get me started about getting shot in the parking garage! In Baltimore city we don’t need a mall, anything can be a Christmas present - just as long as it can be used to get blasted. We are the epitome of non-materialistic in that way, and that is an other reason I love Baltimore. Think about it, where else do spoons and a piece of rope make a perfectly fine Christmas present!?
Location: Highland and Baltimore St, Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.2/5 Description: Wow, cheer up Eeyore, stop walking around all depressed. I mean count all the amazing things you have to look forward to such as:
1. You are rocking a pretty awesome flip phone. In some hipster crowds you are a god. 2. You are addicted to smack and live in BALTIMORE. That is like being addicted to Cuban chicks in thongs and you just so happen to live in Miami.
Great submission but I lowered the score a little on this one because the baseball cap makes it look like a child molester on To Catch a Predator instead of the badass we all know he is inside.
Location: #2 Train between 72nd and 42nd, New York City, New York Rating: Honorable Mention Description: I don’t ride the subway much these days, but I’m pretty sure that guy is suppose to give up those seats to the elderly or disabled… I had to give an honorable mention due to the very high probability this guy is drunk, hungover, or simply a performance artist trying to make a statement. Great pic from a NYC commuter, and an even better tagline:
The rest of the train was packed, but this car was fairly empty for some reason…
I know this may come as a surprise to many who live in Baltimore, but I don’t ride Baltimore’s metro all that much so I may be completely out of touch with the rules. I know, I’m probably the only person in this city who doesn’t need to make trip from Owings Mills to Johns Hopkins Hospital, which is probably why our city planners in their infinite wisdom decided to stop our subway after that single line.
I know, most people who live in Baltimore are probably thinking to themselves - “We have a Metro?”. Well, if you want to try riding it and passed the test from last month, try signing up for a second line (I know, you’re thinking “Baltimore doesn’t deserve TWO lines to their metro!!”).
Location: N.Pulaski Street at W.Baltimore Street (in front of Bon Secours Hospita),Baltimore, MD Rating: 4.5/5 Description: About the only thing better than this submission is the laugh track which accompanies it. I mean seriously, I have a hard time keeping a straight face just THINKING about a good zombie lean and for some reason the people in this city can walk by as though nothing is happening. At least the guys making this video get the hilarity of the situation.
And then there are the people that try to tell you that you are disrespectful by not taking a somber attitude in the presence of a junkie, like injecting street narcotics into your veins makes you off-limits from jokes and imitation. Seriously?! I might be from a different time, but if you want to be taken seriously you should probably use the sidewalk for it’s intended purpose and spend your quality time with your liquid mistress at home.
Lighten up people, it’s just a guy tripping balls in public and if you think about it this is probably one of the funniest things you will see in life. After lolcat. Lolcats are just damn funny.
Location: Patterson Park, Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.7/5 Description: This blog must be really popular in Patterson Park area because I must have received 10 pictures of this guy taking his zombie walk.
I love Patterson Park, it is the premier downtown park in Baltimore and probably the best park in the entire metro area (sorry Druid Hill, and Robert E Lee). You won’t find more recreational activities per square feet in any park in Maryland, with more than a thousand visitors on a daily basis in the summer you can find runners, swimmers, basketball players, dog walkers, tennis players, strolling babies, playground kids and parents. And, as this fine gentleman illustrates, you also won’t find a cop.
Unlike New York’s Central Park or any other destination park in the country, you won’t find bike cops, foot patrol or even an ice cream vendor with a concealed carry. Instead, Baltimore believes in “recreational Darwinism”, which in the past meant the police only entered the park to chalk outline bodies. Fortunately for Patterson Park, the draw of a 155 acre park in the middle of a rowhouse city was too much for even the Baltimore Government’s neglect to keep yuppies away from, and other than a few of the older holdouts like this guy, who will undoubtedly die before his habits do, the park is pretty much owned by the BSSC and yuppies with strollers. Who needs cops anyway, in Baltimore middle-class women pushing strollers have more of an impact on crime than the police ever will.
Location: Charles Village Safeway, Baltimore, MD Rating:3.6/5 Description: This guy might be a little ambitious, I don’t think he’s going to buy THAT much heroin.
Once again Baltimore takes an action like shooting smack, which is relegated to the back alleys and abandoned buildings in Robocop movies, and moves it seamlessly into mainstream America for full family entertainment! Of course all of these actions are done with varying success, according to the submitter the scene plays out as follows:
Seen outside of the Charles Village Safeway making an attempt to purchase groceries. Subject took 10 minutes to get through the door.
Location: Lexington Market, Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.9/5 Description: Baltimore really is a southern city full of charm and hospitality. Even our heroin addicts are gentlemen, exemplified by this guy holding up the tree for those two ladies. I’d like to see the New York or Boston zombies taking that kind of time out of their day.
I do have to take points off for the obvious support on this one, but I did give some back for both this man’s southern hospitality and his devotion to the hometeam. O’s fans get a few extra points in my book!
Location: Southwest, Baltimore, MD Rating: 4.75/5 Description: This submission is a touching story about a boy and his heroin, and a world which wants to tear them apart. The boy has the choose between his dream of getting off the bench on the side of a little league field, or staying with the one he loves.The supporting cast includes “knapsack”, and “small kid on bike”.
This movie has been playing on various little league fields in Baltimore on most days after sunset for over twenty years, and is still in consideration for the Baltimore Film Festival.
Location: Monfort and Fayette, Baltimore, MD Rating: 4/5 Description: Another great example of Baltimore’s finest sent in by one of our readers. Most cities “chase the dragon” - in Baltimore we let it punch us in the gut!
In a true small-timore moment, I actually ran into this same guy the day of the submission on a DIFFERENT corner in the city and no, this guy is not hurt, constipated, or crippled - he’s blasted! Good show Baltimore!
