Location: Light and Pratt, Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.0/5 Caption: so this gentleman just got off the bus with a friend, whom I didn’t get in the shot—the friend hadn’t made it into the full-on jackknife yet. but what really made this a special post-christmas treat was that my mother-in-law was in the car with us, in town from St. Louis visiting for the holidays—imagine the rush of civic pride I felt! Description: While it looks like this guy decided to either keep his Christmas bender going hard or start his New Year’s celebration a bit early with this wicked lean, points had to be taken off for Baltimore placing a trash bin in the way. It’s a shame, he could have gotten those points right back with a follow on photo showing this dude doubled over inside the bin searching for his next meal.
Location: Corner of Liberty and Baltimore Street, Baltimore, MD Rating: 4.6/5 Caption: Since this person can’t stand up, I am hoping he/she/it can receive full credit for a lean, since this is the best they can do and in Baltimore, that’s all we ask of anyone. They are giving it 100%, really. Description:Solid pic, and even better reasoning on why they deserve a good score. I couldn’t agree more, this woman has giving up 110% for that high. In case you’re wondering the extra 10% is use of her legs…
This picture reminds me of a junkie I met years ago when walking my dog. He showed me a festering wound on his shin which was covered in puss and asked me for $20 so he could go to the doctor. Horrified, I offered to drive him to the emergency room immediately while frantically trying to explain the Hippocratic oath and how he could not be refused treatment. It wasn’t until probably the third or fourth time he insisted that $20 was the only answer to his problem that I realized the problem he was trying to fix wasn’t his maggot filled wound. I tossed him a couple bucks and walked home.
A month later I saw the same dude carting around in his brand new hover-round with one leg, still asking people for money for a new wound he probably self-inflicted and had no intention of going to a doctor to have treated.
That guy gave 110% for his blast, and I see that same grit and determination in this woman here. For that I proudly bestow on her the highest achievement in TGOH - A rating of 4 or higher! Using your legs doesn’t seem like such a big deal now, huh?
Location: Gay and Front Streets Rating: 4.7 Description: We should all be grateful to witness this photograph and to have been part of the inaugural Smack Yoga. I believe this pose is the “Oh look! … a ………….pen……………….ny Pose.” We nearly missed this Yoga Guru in his natural habitat because of his camouflage pants but if you look close you’ll see the deep knee bend that is necessary when you hear the Guru tell you to breeeeeeeathe.
The submitter admitted to a shortcoming. The photographer was unable to capture the lit cigarette between the gently curled fingers. While we here at TGOH appreciate honesty, points must be deducted for missing out on perfection. Additionally, the submitter admitting to missing one more key aspect in this otherwise excellent piece of work. (Really, submitter, you are the Jane Goodall of the Junkie Jungle, nice catch.) The location for this Modern Day Thinker? Outside of the Baltimore City Juvenile Justice Center. (“Baby Bookins” for short.) Had that glorious sign for the BCCJJC been included in this otherwise perfect post, it could have been used as a Motivational Poster to show the young men and women that are members of the Future Criminals of America Club what their Baltimore future holds. Alas, a closer inspection of the photograph reveals that he was no where near the front door, but outside of the large gate and secure door that Baltimore’s Finest used to bring their catch in and out of the Juvenile Bed and Breakfast.
Nice catch and Happy Hunting!
-Intern Michelle
Location: Pratt Street, Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.4/5 Description: This three part Shakespearean tragedy of a man who rises to great power only to be undone by his own greed.
When the submitter came upon our subject he was nothing more than a broken heroin addict, crying over his lost fortunes, but only a few hours earlier he was something much more… he was a broken heroin addict with an umbrella.
I took a few points off for sitting down, but I gave a lot back for the raw emotion this guy is showing for his fallen comrade. He makes you feel for him, this guy is like Robert De Niro in Deer Hunter only without all the Vietnam war and Russian Roulette parts… or the hunting part… or the wedding scene…
OK maybe this guy isn’t anything like that movie, but he’s one sad S.O.B. and for that I threw in a few extra points to make his day just that much better.
Location: ”The Block”, Baltimore St, Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.0/5 Description: Here’s a dude that just doesn’t care. Is he pissing in the street or did he just blow a load after feeding money into a private viewing booth showing “Chicks with Dicks, Vol. 28”? The world may never know.
When the smacked out residents of our esteemed city usually drop a loaf in their pants and keep on shufflin’ it’s hard to tell exactly what is going on when someone hangs dong. Still I am giving this guy points for amazing public urination skills (or was is exposure?) and not giving a fuck, but he loses a bit for actually whipping it out and not pissing directly into his drawers without knowing about it.
Baltimore is amazing, they think of everything like the Walgreens down the street from the discount strip clubs so you can buy your antibiotics for the clap you caught in the VIP room at the Diamond Lounge the same night you pick it up! Just more forward thinking from the city that knowingly placed the red light district two blocks away from the Inner Harbor tourist traps, and less than a block from a kids Discovery Zone!
Location: Giant on York Road, Towson, MD Rating: 2.0 Description: Training for the Special H Olympics seems to have led this zombie far from his usual inner city training grounds. Unfortunately, it appears he took his “Chasing the Dragon” event literally and his gear is weighing him down too much to make it to the East Baltimore ally where the event starts. In the words of a great American poet, “He’s going to a pretty place now where the flowers grow, he’ll be back in an hour or so.”
Extra points for possibly only having one leg, but I’m taking them right back for carrying around that sign which most likely says ”If found, please return to nearest tar den”.
Location:Lancaster At Broadway, Fells Point, Baltimore, MD Rating: 4.75/5 Caption: “Dueling Dope Fiends” I had been walking around Fells one Tuesday afternoon in March and took notice of these two as they swaggered back and down in the middle of the square. About an hour later I passed and observed that they had made it about fifty feet north. I guess the one needed the rest… Slow going Zombies these two… Description: This is a rare example of back lean and for that alone it’s worth a high rating. Throw in a second solid leaner and we’re hall of fame material! Now I’m just trying to figure out if Hall of Fame in TGOH is an honor…
Location: Near W. Lombard, Pigtown, Baltimore, MD Rating: 2.5/5 Description: All I can think of when I got this submission of a guy sleeping on an electric transformer is “what a genius idea!”. I mean not only does this guy get the extra added height to lord over the plethora of other homeless people invariably spending the night around the base of this thing, but I bet it also charges his cell phone without having to plug it in!
Of course there is always the concern about the inevitable hobo-zombie fluid leaks which will of course lead to this guys untimely demise, but honestly that death is to smackheads as dying in battle was to the Vikings. This guy would go directly to smackhead Valhalla, which I could imagine would be a plastic coated Eden.
Took a lot of points off on this one because he’s passed out and it’s really not the ideal angle to get a good idea of what’s going on. For all I know he’s already passed over the rainbow bridge and is sharing a needle with Oden himself… and if that’s the case this one is at least a 3.
Location: PowerPlant Live! Rating: 3.7/5 Description: We are one lonely violin and a voice-over away from making me cry… from laughing! This guy is just so funny! I mean he is a total riot, he doesn’t crazy things like this all the time.
One time me and Smackie (we call him that for short, his real name is Bob), we were going to go to our jobs and then pick up our kids from school and come home and do some work around the house, but Smackie blew all that off to kick in the back door of his neighbors place, pawn their laptop and then shoot heroin into his testicles in an alley behind Lexington Market with a needle that more than likely had Syphilis!! What a joker right?!
Oh man, well this is just an other picture of Smackie being Smackie…
Location: Somewhere on Belair Road, Baltimore, MD (Damn, was I off… Saratoga @ Eutaw… I may have to hand in my Baltimore card) Rating: 4.1/5 Caption: TWO TIMES FOR IS HALF OF SIXTEEN, ALL FOR B-MORE STAND UP AND LEAN! AAAA LEANA LEANA LEANA LEAN!
After a day of reminiscing about his days as a cheerleader in his 3 years as a High School Sophomore, our friend here decided to say a prayer, pour a little out for his homies, and lay a little smack down on himself. Godspeed and fair thee well…
Description: This submitter apparently is trying out for the staff position. I didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s already been filled by Michele Bachmann…
