Location: Lombard and Light, Baltimore, MD Rating: 2.3/5 Caption: Loosey can of Miller Lite: $1.25 20 bag of Baltimore’s finest heroin: $20 Getting your dope nod on while getting the perfect tan: priceless. Description: Two things could have happened here:
1. The “No Loitering” sign put the fear of the long arm of the law in him in a way in which countless felony arrests have yet to achieve. 2. He finally found “THE” shot of heroin and ascended into heaven somewhere between pics.
Location: New York City Rating: 4.2/5 Description: This was the last picture on the camera we found in the subway. The camera’s owner was never seen again…
Location: Michael’s Craft Store, Towson, MD Rating: 4.3/5 Description: I hate it when people lurk over you in the checkout line! Oh yeah, and being creeped on by a dude drooling on the floor because he’s chock-full-o-smack is a little annoying as well.
Solid submission from our neighbors to the north in Towson, or as I call it “that town where Serial Mom was filmed”. I like the caption on this one, it shows that the submitter had their heart in the right place and asked the question we all should be asking ourselves - What Would Martha Stewart Do?:
This is one of his more upright moments, the majority of the time his knuckles were grazing the floor. I don’t think Martha Stewart would approve mixing crafting and heroin.
Location: University of Maryland Medical Campus Rating: 2.6 Description: In most cities the guy with the cane laid out in front of the immediate care would probably be brought in by the medical workers inside and, I don’t know…. helped? In Baltimore the prevailing thought is that if this guy really needed medical attention he would have had the good sense to collapse INSIDE the medical office. Baltimore don’t revive no pussies.
The submitter understood this and sent the picture in with the following caption:
Immediate care, eh? Almost made it.
Location: Millington Ave, Baltimore, MD Rating: 2.3/5 Description: Once again the caption that came with this one is better than anything I could write for the description. Short, sweet and a great title for this picture at my art show:
The Stoop Whisperer
Extra points! Now only if he were standing…
Location: Baltimore, MD Rating: 3.9/5 Description: This gem came with the following awesome caption:
Was juuuust about to drive home but decided to have a snack first.
Took off some points for the lean against the car, but gave some back for doing it like a pimp. This lean is hardcore, most other cities would do serious snoozing like this horizontal, but Baltimore don’t roll like that and this guy is showcasing our talent nicely.
Location: Pacific Beach, San Diego, California Rating: 3.1/5 Description: This comes all the way from the west coast where my readers tell the heroin isn’t worth a damn. After learning about their plight I automatically give all west coast submissions a few extra points because getting blasted on weak-junk takes extra dedication. In Baltimore I can slip in Leakin park and be smacked up for days on all the loose syringes, but in the west coast I guess it would like trying to smashed off near-beer.
Well, this guy did it… and after all that work he didn’t get the recognition I feel he deserved. The submitter sent the following caption explaining the hard times of our try-hard friend:
He is legit passed out on a railing…he was also arrested an hour later. damn heroin..
Fucking southern California, what’s wrong with doping yourself to near extinction and taking a power nap across a handrail on a beautiful day? I bet he wasn’t arrested by the cops but by the home owners association for lowering their property value.
Location: Riviera Beach, MD Rating: 2.2/5 Description: I know what you’re thinking…. “That guy isn’t on heroin, he just loves the smell of his own crotch.”
You’re damn right he does, but something about those sweat pants just screams out “I wear these for easy access when I shoot smack into my ballsack” so I’m going to rate him anyway. And the rating is…. horrible.
Location: Corner of N. Charles and 23rd St. Rating: 4.2/5 Description: This submission came with the following inspirational caption:
“You can do it Opie, just 20 more steps to the methadone clinic!”
Can someone please make that into a Baltimore motivational poster?
I like the lean in this one a lot, especially the arm dangling inches off the ground, but I took off some points for the hand on the thigh and the distinct possibility that he may just be caught at the wrong angle picking up some trash. Wait a minute… maybe I should give those points back, this is Baltimore so there is NO chance that this guy is picking up trash!
Location: Hamburg St, Baltimore, MD Rating: 4.1/5 Description: I think I finally realized how I can quit my day job and rate heroin addict pictures all day… product placement!! Take this picture for example, with the car logo perfectly in focus with the doped out junkie leaning in the background I can put some snappy tagline in the caption like “Ford, it’s like shooting heroin directly into your scrotum!” and all the junkies who read my site just to see if they or their friends are on here will run out and buy Fords because they’re dumb enough to actually believe buying an automobile would be analogous to shooting a morphine substitute into their genitalia.
Wow… This may be my best idea since I started this blog. In fact, I was going to finish this post but instead I’m going to draft my resignation letter.